“Be thankful for what you have. Your life, no matter how bad you think it is, is someone else’s fairy tale.” — Wale Ayeni
For many, Thanksgiving is a time for family, friends, good food and great company. It’s a time to gather, give thanks, celebrate our accomplishments over the past year and toss all ideas of that perfect summer body out the window as we grab that second piece of pie. Unfortunately for many, this is not always the case and Thanksgiving can be a day of sadness and filled with loneliness.
In the late ’80s, during the height of the AIDS pandemic, San Diego activist and Being Alive co-founder, Scott Carlson, saw too many people shunned by their families spending the holidays alone, so he stepped into action. On Thanksgiving Day 1989, Scott opened the doors of his home and invited members of the community that were living with HIV/AIDS to spend the day with him and their new chosen family. Little did he know that he was beginning a tradition that has grown exponentially and is one of the most notable aspects of his legacy.
When Scott passed away in 1990, many feared that this annual tradition would die with him, but members of the San Diego LGBTQ+ community wouldn’t hear of it, coming together and continuing the dinner as both a way of honoring him and to continue to serve the community in need. Over the years, the dinner has grown and is no longer just an event for those living with HIV/AIDS, but anyone that is wanting or needing a safe space to eat and celebrate. Then in 2004, the Imperial Court de San Diego (ICSD) took over the dinner, renaming it The Scott Carlson Thanksgiving Community Dinner in his honor and memory.
Since then, the event has grown so large that multiple venue changes have occurred. This small family dinner that started in the kitchen of Scott’s home moved to the hall of the First Unitarian Universalist Church and then to its new home in the auditorium of the San Diego LGBT Community Center. Today, The Scott Carlson Thanksgiving Dinner has become an event for the entire community, not just the LGBTQ+ community or those living with HIV/AIDS. Our doors are open and there are seats at the table for everyone.
This event began at a time when elected officials wouldn’t recognize, let alone associate with the LGBTQ+ community. Now we have state senators, assembly members, church leaders and even the mayor of San Diego donating, attending, and rolling up their sleeves to help serve food. People like Toni Atkins, Todd Gloria, Shane Harris, and Kevin and Katherine Faulconer have all been avid supporters of the event.
While many in our community are staunch supporters of this event, two of our biggest supporters were Steven Hawley and his partner, Dan Ferbal, of the Rob Benzon Foundation. Dan made sure that the event was supported by the foundation every year. Unfortunately, we lost Dan last year so to pay our respects to him, we again renamed the dinner to The Scott Carlson/Dan Ferbal Thanksgiving Community Dinner. I had the honor to have helped serve food with his sister at the 2019 dinner. While the ICSD produces this dinner, this is a massively community-driven event. Donations pour in from local businesses, such as MO’s Universe, Uptown Tavern, Ace Hardware, San Diego Pride and countless individual donors. Volunteers line up to be a part each year. Volunteers with Cheli, Stepping Stone San Diego, and the Leather Community (just to name a few) fill many essential volunteer roles.
As we enter the 2020 holiday season amidst COVID-19, the question has been asked if the dinner will take place this year. The answer to that is ABSOLUTELY! This pandemic has affected many people in ways that we can’t even begin to imagine and we feel the need will be much greater this year. Necessary changes are being made to ensure the safety of everyone. Uptown Tavern has graciously volunteered to prepare all of the food this year. Instead of our typical sit down dinner and program, we will be distributing Thanksgiving to-go boxes to anyone that comes to The Center. We will not let anyone feel alone or go hungry this Thanksgiving.
If you are interested in donating to The Scott Carlson/Dan Ferbal Thanksgiving Dinner, please contact ICSD Board Secretary Steven Blocker at [email protected] or Board President Mikey Lochner at 619-972-6369. If you are in need of a delicious, made with love, hot Thanksgiving meal, join us at The San Diego LGBT Community Center at 3909 Centre St. on Thanksgiving Day, Thursday, Nov. 26. To-go box distribution will begin at noon.
Quotes from volunteers:
“The dinner brings together not just our community, but our sense of family. We are reminded that family is those who support who you are.” — Sunceree Richardson
“It costs nothing to be kind and we all need more kindness. For many, our community is the family they have chosen because the family they had is gone or never excepted who they are.” — Kerrie Stone
