• Home
  • About us
  • Advertising
  • Digital Archive
  • Contact
    • Letter to the Editor
Tuesday, December 10, 2019
No Result
View All Result
NEWSLETTER
lgbtq-san-diego-county-news-logo-475x166
  • A&E
    • Art
    • Film
    • Music
    • Books
    • Theater
    • Q Syndicate
  • News & Features
    • News
      • News Briefs
    • Politics
      • Elected Official Reports
        • Mara W. Elliot
        • Summer Stephan
        • Susan Davis
        • Toni G. Atkins
    • Features
  • Food & Drink
    • Foodie Flashes
    • Restaurant Reviews
  • Opinion
    • Editorials
  • Lifestyle
    • Health & Fitness
    • The Frivolist
  • Columns
    • Conversations with Nicole
    • Big Mike and Friends
    • Black Lives
    • C…Community
    • Frankly Speaking
    • Houston We Have a Problem
    • Life Beyond Therapy
    • Lambda Archives
    • My Good Tootie
  • Business
    • Best of Gay San Diego
    • Wedding Directory
    • Expert Advice
    • Sponsored Links
  • Out & About
  • Calendar
lgbtq-san-diego-county-news-logo
  • A&E
    • Art
    • Film
    • Music
    • Books
    • Theater
    • Q Syndicate
  • News & Features
    • News
      • News Briefs
    • Politics
      • Elected Official Reports
        • Mara W. Elliot
        • Summer Stephan
        • Susan Davis
        • Toni G. Atkins
    • Features
  • Food & Drink
    • Foodie Flashes
    • Restaurant Reviews
  • Opinion
    • Editorials
  • Lifestyle
    • Health & Fitness
    • The Frivolist
  • Columns
    • Conversations with Nicole
    • Big Mike and Friends
    • Black Lives
    • C…Community
    • Frankly Speaking
    • Houston We Have a Problem
    • Life Beyond Therapy
    • Lambda Archives
    • My Good Tootie
  • Business
    • Best of Gay San Diego
    • Wedding Directory
    • Expert Advice
    • Sponsored Links
  • Out & About
  • Calendar
No Result
View All Result
lgbtq-san-diego-county-news
No Result
View All Result

I don’t want to get older

08/02/2019
in Life Beyond Therapy, Top Story
2
I don’t want to get older

(www.canstockphoto.com)

108
SHARES
196
VIEWS

Dear Michael:

I don’t want to get older. I look at old gay men and I don’t like what I see. I don’t want to die young (I’m 29) but I also don’t want to age. Already I see younger guys in their early 20s and feel that I’m on my way out. Who’s going to want me in 10 or 20 years? The woman who cuts my hair is having a Botox party: should I go?

It says on one of your Facebook posts that you’re 66. As an old gay guy, are you happy with yourself? If so, how did you manage it?

Thanks,

Terrified to Get Older

Dear TTGO:

Sure, you can go to a Botox party. But, why are you so afraid to have some wrinkles? What about being older terrifies you so much? If you use sunscreen and take reasonable care of yourself, you’ll probably age quite nicely and gradually. This will give you time to make peace with your body as it changes. Can you learn to love yourself at every age? If you can’t, you’re likely to be fighting every physical change tooth and nail.

Who’s going to want you in 10 or 20 years? Look around at your peers. Hopefully, when you’re all 40 or 50, you’ll still find each other attractive. It helps a lot to like yourself and enjoy your own company.

Very few of us are extremely beautiful. If you are, good for you! I hope you’re enjoying the hell out of it! Consider, however, all your other good qualities and develop them, too. It’s very hard to sustain the body/skin/face of a 20-year-old, but you can develop your personality, intelligence, kindness, compassion, wisdom, flexibility and sense of humor until your last breath.

How do I feel as an old gay guy? Most of the time, I’m pretty happy: grateful for my good health, cozy home, friends I love and work that I truly enjoy. That said, this body is definitely changing! On a good day, the changes are OK with me. On a rough day, the changes make me sigh and remember how I used to be. Gratitude helps me refocus on what’s going well and ignore the things I can’t do anything about. I go regularly to the gym and yoga classes, but I go because it makes ME feel good.

How did I manage it? I had a lot of wild adventures in my 20s and 30s. Traveling around Europe, Egypt, Yugoslavia and the Soviet Union, sleeping in youth hostels, hitchhiking, enjoying a very active sex life, working odd jobs in different countries and having lots of new experiences. I didn’t wait until retirement to travel and have fun.

I suggest the same to you: enjoy your life NOW so you don’t have regrets later. For example, during the years when I lived in New York, Paris and London, I used to go to work, come home around 6 p.m., sleep until 11 p.m., go out to clubs with my friends, come home between 3 a.m., sleep some more and go to work the next day. I did this three to five nights a week. I was in my 20s and 30s and had lots of energy. Needless to say, I could never pull this off now. And that’s OK: I lived that way when if felt right; I live quite differently today.

In over 50 years of working, I’ve had several careers: writer/psychotherapist is the most recent. I enjoyed my previous careers, too — each one taught me something useful: singing in nightclubs taught me how to be comfortable in front of a crowd; being a personal shopper I learned a lot about psychology; and by teaching fashion merchandising at the Fashion Institute of Technology (in NYC), I got good at communicating ideas to large groups of people.

Life can become richer and more rewarding as we grow older, wiser and truer to ourselves. Our work, friends and interests change as we do. Getting older can be really wonderful, if you’re willing to enjoy each step on the path … and when in doubt: try saying this to yourself, “I am willing to love myself and enjoy my life at every age” and see what happens!

— Michael Kimmel is a licensed psychotherapist who specializes in helping LGBT clients achieve their goals and deal with anxiety, depression, grief, sexually addictive behavior, coming out, relationship challenges and homophobia. Contact him at 619-955-3311 or visit lifebeyondtherapy.com.

Graphic by www.CanStockPhoto.com)

 

Tags: LGBT columnLGBT professional adviceLife Beyond TherapyMichael KimmelSan Diego LGBT communitySan Diego LGBT news
Next Post
Sisterly love

Sisterly love

Comments 2

  1. William E. Kelly says:
    4 months ago

    Very sage advice, Michael. I suggest that TTGO, describe to himself what he means by “who will want me”. It is very possible that TTGO is not afraid of getting older but rather that no one will like him or find him physically or sexually attractive as an older man. At 72, my husband and I have been a couple for 41 years and the common interests and values were important factors in bringing us together but in our youth, physical appearances and sexuality were the initial attraction. That said, while physical and sexual attraction might and certainly can be a major driving force in initial attractions when you are young, the common values between you, the challenges you face together, the support you offer each other and the bonds you form over the years are what strengthens a relationship with, devotion to and love for another human being. As for sexuality and physical attraction, those have a life of their own, I dare say they have a “shelf life”. For now enjoy the physicality and sexuality aspects of your desires and be content to know that is the garnish on the platter of your life, not the entre or the dessert. ????

  2. Michael Kimmel says:
    4 months ago

    Beautifully put Bill, thank you for writing.

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Read our digital edition

LGBTQ San Diego County News, Vol. 1, Issue 5, Dec. 6-19, 2019

 

Instagram post 2193226975561056428_5733101424 Image for post 2193226975561056428_5733101424
Instagram post 2193226741292346520_5733101424 Tell us on the comments and why?
Instagram post 2183220143060844659_5733101424 Image for post 2183220143060844659_5733101424
Instagram post 2182965278946426963_5733101424 Image for post 2182965278946426963_5733101424
Instagram post 2173424102211888958_5733101424 Issue 3 is at your local news stand or visit www.gay-sd.com
Instagram post 2169962063099390054_5733101424 The @lgbt_legacy Project’s interactive traveling wall in Palm Springs.
Instagram post 2168585976993880790_5733101424 Downtown Palm Springs #LGBTQSanDiegoNews @PalmSpringsPride
Instagram post 2168523973713477137_5733101424 Pride organizations around the nation are dependent on volunteers that assist in every capacity.  These volunteers from the @saclgbtcenter are in town specifically to volunteer for @PalmSpringsPride.
#lgbtqsd #lgbtqsdnews
Instagram post 2168469651344642936_5733101424 Tonight- @officialTLC takes the stage at 8:00 @PalmSpringsPride!
Load More... Follow on Instagram
lgbtq_san_diego_county_news

© 2019 LGBTQ San Diego County News. All rights reserved.

Navigate our site

  • About
  • Advertise
  • Contact

Follow Us

No Result
View All Result
  • A&E
    • Art
    • Books
    • Film
    • Music
    • Q Syndicate
  • News & Features
    • News
    • Features
    • Politics
      • Elected Official Reports
      • Susan Davis
  • Food & Drink
    • Foodie Flashes
    • Restaurant Reviews
  • Opinion
    • Editorials
  • Lifestyle
    • Health & Fitness
    • The Frivolist
  • Business
  • Columns
    • Conversations with Nicole
    • Big Mike and Friends
    • Black Lives
    • C…Community
    • Frankly Speaking
    • Houston We Have a Problem
    • Life Beyond Therapy
    • My Good Tootie
  • Out & About
  • Contact
  • Archive
  • About
  • Advertising
  • Calendar

© 2019 LGBTQ San Diego County News. All rights reserved.

Login to your account below

Forgotten Password?

Fill the forms bellow to register

All fields are required. Log In

Retrieve your password

Please enter your username or email address to reset your password.

Log In