The Frivolist
By Mikey Rox
Relationships are hard enough as they are but throw money into the mix and it becomes a recipe for certain disaster. It doesn’t have to go down like that though. Your relationship can survive a financial crisis β yes, even a menacing mound of debt β if you can both get on the same page and work together to solve the problem.
Avoid the blame game
Remember, it takes two to tango, and in most cases you didnβt get into debt all alone. Before tempers flare and you both say and do things you regret, take a breather, regroup, and recognize that your current situation isnβt the fault of one person. Even if a recent debt is the sole work of your partner, say, from a gambling addiction, getting angry and blowing your top wonβt help. Go through your emotions responsibly and concentrate on nipping the immediate issue in the bud. Counseling may be necessary for this before coming up with a plan of attack to get back in the black.
Pay off your worst first
Once you have a handle on your debt and resolve yourself to proactively eliminate it, go hard. Debt wonβt dwindle away if youβre passive about it. Attack the problem head on to keep it contained.
βPay off your worst first,β says Steve Anzuoni, financial expert at Fairway Financial. βSit with each other and gather your statements and pay down the higher-interest cards first.β
Financial expert Harrine Freeman suggests a similar approach.
βSet up payment plans with creditors,β she said. βPay off old accounts first, then focus on paying down current debt. Keep credit card balances at 20% or less of the credit limit.β
Steer clear of financially stressful situations in the future
Hindsight is 20/20 as they say, and this adage should absolutely apply to your finances. If youβve gotten yourself in a hole, start digging yourself out and donβt look back. Also be wary of new situations that can affect the hard work youβve done to get back on track. Your relationship can only handle so much stress, and itβs not fair to either of you to go into situations β even ones that seem like good moves financially β that will put the whole arrangement in jeopardy.
βI coach couples that financial stressΒ can bring outΒ or aggravate problems in a marriage that would not have otherwise arisen,β said Elliott Katz, author of βBeing the Strong Man a Woman Wants: Timeless Wisdom on Being a Man.β
βThey should avoid getting into financially stressful situations even if it will be profitable in the long term but will cause stress to them in the short term.β
Reduce your spending β stat!
It may seem like an obvious tip to cut back your spending considerably when youβre in debt, but youβd be surprised at how many people keep swiping those cards even when thereβs a problem. Freeman suggests reducing the overall household spending by 30% to increase your monthly cash flow to pay off debt. Itβll be a sacrifice for a while, but desperate times call for desperate measures if you want that debt burden off your back.
Accept that youβre not the Joneses, and thatβs OK
A lot of the time, couples go into debt trying to keep up with friends, family and neighbors β perhaps even more so for queer couples. You may be able to keep up for a while, but if youβre spending money on things you canβt afford just to βlookβ like you can, itβll come back to bite you eventually. Try to be happy with what you have or else work harder to improve your financial situation (picking up side gigs, furthering your education, asking for a promotion at work, getting a better-paying job, etc.) so that you can actually afford the things you want to buy as status symbols. Or, ya know, finally convince yourself that money doesnβt buy happiness.
Set up payment alerts to stay on track
If you have trouble remembering to pay bills, use technology to help you. Set reminders when bills are due and to be notified when account balances are low. Also set up overdraft protection if youβre prone to overdrawing your account so you can at least cut back the fees youβre charged.
Make it clear who handles what financial responsibilities and when
Nobody βwantsβ to accept the responsibility of handling the relationshipβs finances, especially with all that can go wrong. But somebody has to do it. Make it clear which one of you that will be and create a budget and bill-paying schedule together so you can hold one another accountable and stay on track.
βDiscuss who will manage the finances, who pays what bill, what finances will be joint, where finances will be managed, when finances will be managed, how finances will be managed currently and in the future, and how expenses and bills will be paid,β Freeman advises.
Enlist the help of a financial planner if youβre in too deep
If youβre already in debt, the last thing you need is another expense. However, if the expense is to help you get out of the red, you get a pass. Sometimes you need help, especially if you have zero idea what youβre doing with your money or how to manage it. Just make sure youβre hiring a reputable financial planner. You donβt need some hack all up in your bills charging you an arm and a leg for advice and planning that has no merit.
βMikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. He spends his time writing from the beach with his dog Jaxon. Connect with Mikey on Instagram @mikeyrox.
Graphic by www.CanStockPhoto.com.
