On Thursday, May 13, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) eased its guidance on masking for us fully vaccinated folks, saying those of us who have received all our shots can now safely do most indoor and outdoor activities without social distancing or wearing masks.
Hooray! No more masks (if youโre fully vaccinated)!
Places are opening up again!
People are having parties!
Vacations are being planned!
Social life is resuming!
People are dating (in person) and having sex again!
Groups are starting to meet in person!
Many of us are going back to work (finally)!
Welcome to your โNew Lifeโ! It is new. We canโt really go back in time. Remember February 2020? Itโs hard to remember exactly what we were doing 15 months ago, before COVID hit. Letโs resist the temptation to idealize our lives back then. Iโll bet if you could go back to that time and watch yourself on video, youโd see things you felt good about and other things youโd be happy to get rid of.
Well, dear reader, nowโs your chance.
Your New Life doesnโt have to be like your old (pre-February 2020) one. For example, consider:
- Sex
- Alcohol
- Drugs
- Work
- Friends/Social Life
- Romance
- Exercise
- Travel
- Family
These are all possible aspects of your New Life and, with each one, you get to decide how much โ and in what manner โ youโll have them in your life.
We are currently in a major transition time: We are โ for the most part โ coming out of the worst of COVID-related trauma. Itโs been more than 15 months of an altered reality for the whole planet.
This is the perfect time to re-chose what you want in your life. These major transitional moments donโt come along very often. After going through a personal and universal hell, we can just go back to our old โdefaultโ ways of living, with all the good and bad that went with them, or we can consciously create a New Life. Hereโs an exercise I use with my clients that theyโve found helpful. I call it โQualities of Life.โ
Make three columns, then write down examples (from your life) for each column:
Column 1: What worked well about my old (pre-COVID) life?
For example:
I had two really great friends.
My job paid well.
I liked my apartment.
My health was good.
I got along well with my parents.
Column 2: What didnโt work well about my old life?
For example:
I didnโt like my job.
I was drinking too much.
I wasnโt happy with my social life.
I couldnโt stand my next-door neighbor.
I was hooking up a lot, but really wanted a partner.
Column 3: What do I want to do differently in my New Life?
For example:
I want to find a new job, one I actually enjoy.
I want to go to therapy and find out why I drink too much.
I want a social life that has more outdoor/active stuff, like hiking and camping.
I want to improve my relationship with my neighbor.
Iโd like to get off the hook-up apps and try a dating app.
Iโve been doing this exercise with my clients and most of them have found it to be very helpful; we seldom take time to think about what worked well and what we want to change. This is a time of great possibilities; thereโs lots of liminal space.
The wordย โliminalโย comes from the Latin word โlimen,โ meaning threshold โ a place of entering or beginning. A liminal space is the time between the “what wasโ and the โnext.” Itโs a place of transition, not (yet) knowing whatโs coming next. Liminal space is where real change and transformation take place.
Author Richard Rohr โ one of my heroes and mentors โ describes liminal space as where we are between the familiar and the unknown. The old world is left behind, while weโre not yet sure of whatโs coming next: thatโs a place where genuine newness can begin. Rohr invites us to get there often and stay as long as we can by whatever means possibleโฆthis is the place where the old world is able to fall apart, and a bigger world is revealed.
Try the โQualities of Lifeโ exercise and create your own liminal space. See what you want to keep from the past and what you want to release. Your New Life is waiting for you, and now is the perfect time to create it.
โMichael Kimmel is a licensed psychotherapist who specializes in helping LGBT clients achieve their goals and deal with anxiety, depression, grief, sexually addictive behavior, coming out, relationship challenges and homophobia. Contact him at 619-955-3311 or visit lifebeyondtherapy.com.
