Greetings fellow San Diegans! I hope you all have been well and your Halloween was a special one full of Tricks and Treats! Dirty birds, I mean candy! Or do I? *Evil grins*
Can you believe that we are in November already? Where has this year gone? Thanksgiving, Christmas and then New Years and we are in 2022! Time needs to pump its brakes and let us stay young! I hope that all of you get to spend some time with family and friends these upcoming holidays. Remember to be safe and always give back to those who need a warm meal and love.
On a different note, I don’t remember If I told all of you that I have started a new medicine called Dovato. Well, honey, let me tell you, for the first couple weeks I felt like a zombie! I was up till the wee hours of the night unable to fall asleep in fear of some crazy and vivid dreams I was having. I got a little bit of stomach issues but I wasn’t sure if that was a true side-effect of the medicine. I have only tried a few other HIV drugs and they have all had different side-effects but this one was on a whole new level for me. I had the sweats, a headache, and mood swings from the lack of sleep – it was just dark and cutthroat! I do agree with medical professionals when they say it takes a few weeks for your body to properly acclimate to certain medicines. After these symptoms being so abnormal, I wasn’t sure if I would have to switch back to my previous medicine or if I would be able to move forward with it. Luckily, I do not have any of these side-effects currently. I am happy and grateful that my body has started to become familiar to it. Hopefully, this will continue to be a normal journey as time goes on.
I’m not sure how spiritual my readers are, but I feel like this new moon on November 4th will open a new door for beginnings and allow us to grow as individuals and together as a whole. I hope that this will allow me to shed some of the baggage or tighten any loose ends that I may have in regards to me having HIV and allow me to heal whatever I need to. I have found peace within my journey but as humans we still have fears and unresolved matters. I also hope that the new moon allows us to love others and ourselves in a way that will allow the stigma to decrease. We are all beautiful creatures who deserve to love, be loved, to respect, be respected, and to be and to acknowledge others. We have strayed away from universal love. It is time to slowly heal the world and others. We are more powerful than we will ever know if we come together as one.
Since we are talking about new light, growth, and self-love I feel like it is time to truly let my heart love again and find a partner who is just unapologetically himself. As I look back through all of my past relationships, I see a pattern that I wish to end. I no longer want to live in fear of rejection or at times not being “good enough” for someone. It is not always that I feel this way but there are those moments. I have always wanted the “perfect” relationship. But today I ask myself, what is the “perfect relationship”? Is it truly something that I want, crave to be accepted, or to just feel whole? As I venture into my 30’s I have realized that this will be some of the best years to come. I know that there is an end coming near and a new beginning of life for me. I will continue to share my process and my struggles with you all and will allow the Universe to provide my journey. I am ready for a higher vibration. Have you ever wondered what your purpose on Earth is, what kind of impact you will make in the world, or what your legacy here will be? Remember that love is not only in us, we are love! Share it with the world and one another!
Since we are talking about growth, I find it important to share, I have found an energy so rare in a beautiful man. I am unsure what the future might hold for us but I know that whatever it is it will be beautiful. I feel like I can be myself, I can let walls crumble; I can show my feelings and dorkiness. I write this as I feel a smile sneaking into my face. I was very honest from the beginning with me being HIV POZ. I recall telling him, “I understand if you choose not to go forward from this point. All I will say is that it is something that I have but most definitely who I am!” He was silent for a few moments and asked to hold my hands. I could feel a warmth that I cannot explain, I felt him squeeze my hand and look straight into my eyes and tell me, “I am so sorry that you have been rejected and been looked past because you are POZ. That was definitely someone that was not worthy of you and your love.” I looked straight into his eyes and saw sincerity and love. I am unsure where this will go but I am excited to see what this will bloom into, even if it doesn’t bloom into something romantic at least I have found a rare flower in a field full of others.
Never close yourself off because of fear! You deserve to be loved and to love!
May the long time sun shine upon you, all love surround you, and the pure light within you guide your way on. – Irish Blessing
Stay blessed friends and see you soon!