My Good Tootie

My Good Tootie

Tootie

Good Tootie wants to hear your deepest secrets about sex and love, relationships and sex, sex and friendships … and did I mention sex? Anonymously. Get off and get it off your chest. I pinky-promise to be honest and candid and keep it fun. I expect the same from you. Also fun. Listen to my “Campfire Shitshow” podcast interview, where I mention this article. http://bit.ly/2Ybegda. Pass it on.

My Good Tootie, picked up your newspaper outside a bank and read the column about the young guy and his older buddy. Wondering why a guy like that wouldn’t be into me?

I’m a student working on my master’s degree, no social life outside of school. I work, so nights are difficult, and even if I could I have too much studying to do to pursue a relationship. I’d like to find a study buddy who can relate, someone who finds study time cutting into their social life with needs going unfulfilled. Could there be someone who wouldn’t mind taking a short break between chapters and sneaking off to a corner of the library to “review?” We can keep each other on track to completion by helping each other “finish.” On and on with the sexual puns, you’re good at that.

Seriously, I’m looking for both sides here: guys or girls. Meet up, get some real studying done, and let off some steam during breaks. I am legitimately willing and able to help tutor math, biology, history, etc., or with writing, research, whatever, as long as we can get each other off.

Me: I am in my 20s, tall, blue-eyed, clean, discreet, and unwilling to offer my course of study. What am I doing wrong?

MGT: Mature and very “straight” forward. I would encourage you to do the library thing infrequently. Seems like you use that resource a lot and if you get busted, you lose it all. I like your transactional approach and being upfront about not having time for a relationship, but you’re willing to suffer a “study buddy” or even tutor. I’ve decided to post your whole email. I’m sure there are some takers who could benefit from an arrangement like this with a happy ending. Good luck on getting anything done. By the way, what’s with the “blue-eyed” thing? Not sure you had anything to do with that, maybe don’t count it as an accomplishment or privilege. Although it does sound better than you lacking melanin.

My Good Tootie:

We (my husband and I) were out at dinner with some friends the other night for the holidays and on a nearby table, there was a gay couple of similar age also having dinner. They must have had an earlier reservation because I noticed they had glasses of wine at their table as we walked past to ours. They were dressed nice, not loud, not affected by anyone else in the restaurant. In our little bedroom community, this stands out like a sore thumb. My husband excuses himself during dinner to go to the restroom, and conversation continues at our table, when I notice the couple get up and instead of heading to the front door, they head to the restroom, together. Just a little odd. After a longer than necessary absence, my husband returns with a business card, with the cell number underlined. The couple apparently noticed us and took a chance. They’d like to have drinks some time and found us attractive. My husband is so good! I know he brought the card back to me immediately to keep my head from going in 20 different directions. Do we call and expect something more than drinks, keep it friendly and buy the first round, or invite them over for dinner? See how my head goes?

MGT: Oh my! You don’t need me honey, the handwriting is on the business card.  Your only question should be, “Should we call?” Have you and your husband played with others together or individually before? If not, this is a good time to talk about it. Are you interested? To what level? What are you both willing to do and willing to watch your spouse do. Where do you draw the line? Boundaries and an escape route are important. Perhaps you put off the drinks till the new year, that will give you some time to talk. Call now (you know you’re going to at some point), because in your “bedroom community,” friends like that couple can be priceless and long-lasting (and so could the sex education). Keep it light at first, if you’re at all unsure, meet out for drinks or brunch, I think guys like to hike. If you’re totally down for it, then accept their offer to do whatever, and I mean whatever. If you’ve never done this kind of thing before, don’t invite them over to your place. It’s easier to excuse yourselves from their place than it is to kick out new naked friends and it not be awkward. Besides you’ll learn how the seduction is done. Pay attention, do they have cleanup towels bedside? Safe sex accessories? Toys warmed and ready? Sorry, I’m freezing, all I can think about is warm. You’ll have fun and ultimately you might make lifelong friends.