My Good Tootie

Tootie

For years, my column ran monthly on sex and love, family and sex, sex and relationships, friendship and sex, and did I mention sex? Over the years, I’ve heard “I loved that column, when are you going to start writing again?” I had no formal training in psychology and never purported to. My advice came from real world experience, and the desire to listen, and help. I was also honest. The publication allowed me to be real. I also welcomed readers questioning my opinion and I was willing to learn. That was Ask Tootie and this new once-a-month column will be called My Good Tootie, taking a cue from gay history. The play on phrase comes from back in the day when two gay guys would go out as friends they would refer to each other as “my good Judy,” signifying they were “just friends.” God knows that if you’re seen with the same friend over and over, people start to think. Back in the same day, who would a gay guy want to be best friends with? No one but Judy Garland. So I’m your new best friend, ask anything, tell me what you think. Sign your name or keep it anonymous. I only want the things you couldn’t tell anyone else.

How can I get my husband to be more aggressive in bed? I want him to initiate sex…tease me…take me. I get turned on by physical teasing. I love when he slaps my ass, brushes up against my cock. Since we met six years ago, I’ve always been strictly a top and he’s been a bottom. Now I don’t know. Sex is great and we do it often but I want to be taken.

You be the Boss.

(MGT) Congratulations on six years, I’m not sure I can make it past four, well I could if it was like we lived separately and saw each other twice a week. We do get stuck in our roles and I have to wonder why it is like that with you two? There are differences in sexual roles defined by what we like. Is your husband only interested in being submissive? I can see how that worked out for you six years ago. After a while with the same guy, even I will admit I find that I’m thinking, “Hmmm, he can get it.” I can see you want to change things up, maybe give up more of yourself. This is the beauty of gay relationships. We are less bound to the “this goes into that” paradigm. You can still treat him like a submissive and explore your own vulnerability. While you may need a change-up, he may not see himself as the aggressor. Keep rocking his world with him on the bottom while you take control. Tie his hands, sit on top, grind on him. Lube all necessary parts. Feed him your dick to keep him aroused and submissive and then sit back. Give him a good show. Use some commands and strong words. It’s been a while for you, so I’m sure it’s not going to slip in easy. You’ll be sending the message, I want more and I’m going to take it. Think of it only in this way at first.

Let him work into his new role as a power bottom and then a submissive top. I love thinking of all the play you’ll have. Enjoy new roles!

I have been fantasizing that when she’s done with me, we invite a younger big-cocked man into our bed and shows me what she likes. He’s got a big cock, he’s cocky, but not stupid. In my fantasy, we meet him in a grocery store or a bar, in public. He whispers in her ear and she smiles for him and is shameless around him. Like trying to prove something to me. They have a secret. He’s bigger than me. His attention on her makes me jealous and hard, too. I would like to help. God, I’d love to guide it, holding that thick heavy cock. Encouraging him, hearing her, I would like if he stroked me while he pounded her. Moving it forward past my head seems like a recipe for trouble. Why does it turn me on so much to think of my wife with someone else? Wondering not Wandering.

(MGT) Thirty years and you’re still having sex three-four times a week? You’re all good. If that puts you in your late 40s or 50s then the idea of exploring sex with another guy or something outside your marriage is common. You mentioned his size several times and that makes me think that you think bigger is better. Real life is that you have been satisfying your wife for 30 years three-four times a week. His penis size is more about the power. You want to see him overpower her and give you a reason to submit to him, too. You’d have to reach out. You couldn’t help yourself but to touch him. I’m encouraging you to explore this, through porn, and literature. Include your wife. She may be modest but when it’s just you two and the lights are low, you can easily read this… and show her how it made you hard. Discussion or sex will ensue. Porn can be a little trickier since you both will be watching it with your own thoughts playing out. You are wondering what she’s thinking and is she judging you, and her wondering what you’re thinking and “where are we going with this shit?” We do think differently. You have it really good in real life, add to it, and bring her along with sensitivity and love.

—Tootie is the Mistress on the Mic at Lips Thursday thru Saturday nights at Lips and Sundays for Gospel Brunch as Sister Nun of the Above. She is single and slightly engaged. Mother of two dogs and wears many wigs throughout a day. She is a volunteer, a boss, a change maker, and an activist. Add to that she knows all the best vegan and vegetarian places in San Diego.