By Roman Jimenez | Guest contributor
On Sunday, June 2, America’s Finest City Softball League (AFCSL) celebrated the end of its 43rd spring season. Missing from the party was Carlos Santiago, one of the league’s biggest and most beloved personalities for almost 30 years; the big lefty first baseman had passed away suddenly on May 10 from a suspected heart attack, just a day before his 56th birthday.
Santiago first came to San Diego courtesy of the U. Navy. A proud veteran, he would spend most of his civilian career working for the Port and the County of San Diego. When he wasn’t working or playing softball, Santiago could often be found at Petco Park rooting for the Padres, while paying especially close attention to the out-of-town scoreboard to check up on his favorite team, the Chicago Cubs.
Santiago leaves behind his partner of four years, Brian Dinges, and Dinges’ two sons from a previous relationship, Parker and Grayson, who are both 11 years old.
“He was a wonderful man,” Dinges said. “Very loving and tender. He was a great role model for my boys and they loved him dearly.”
Santiago also leaves behind dozens of friends and teammates, many of whom are still processing the sudden and untimely loss of such a giant presence in their lives.
Friends remembering and coping
“I’m still struggling with the fact that he’s gone,” said Kent Hammond, longtime friend, coach and teammate of Santiago’s. “Carlos was the ultimate team player.”
Hammond, who will be inducted into the AFCSL Hall of Fame in a few weeks, shared what many have said about his friend. “He always had a smile on his face. He was always incredibly encouraging and supportive. I don’t think I ever heard him say a negative thing about anyone.”
Santiago played almost his entire softball career on The Loft, a team sponsored by the Hillcrest bar of the same name, which quickly became Santiago’s favorite watering hole. You could often find him there, with friends like Hammond, David “Mona” Valenzuela, Steve Weathers, and AFCSL Hall of Famers Troy Camacho, Laura Szymanski and Jeff Praught.
Like so many, for Praught the loss hits especially hard.
“I can’t imagine living the rest of my life without my buddy,” he said. “We could talk about everything. It’s truly like losing a brother.”
Praught had coached Santiago for 15 years and was teammates with him for 18. Perhaps their biggest team success came in Santiago’s native Chicago, where in 2011, The Loft team placed third in the B Division at the Gay Softball World Series.
While Valenzuela was a part of that 2011 team, his and Santiago’s friendship transcended sports. Friends for 30 years on and off the softball field, Valenzuela said Santiago was like family.
“He was the best man at my wedding,” Valenzuela said.
Valenzuela said he and his husband Weathers will miss their friend and his endless positivity.
“He was one of those people who just wanted the best for everybody,” Valenzuela said.
“To be honest, I’m still in denial,” said Laura Szymanski, a longtime friend of Santiago’s. “It’s not real, but it is.”
Szymanski said Santiago was someone she could always talk to. “He would always listen to me. There was never any judgment.”
She said Santiago wasn’t always happy, but he didn’t dwell on the negative.
“He just wouldn’t focus on it,” she said. “He was like no other.”
Szymanski was not the only one in disbelief.
“My first thought was of course I didn’t believe it,” his friend Troy Camacho said. “Once I knew it was true, I knew I had to tell Laura [Szymanski], so I called her, but I just couldn’t get it out of my mouth. I just couldn’t get it out.”
Camacho was friends with Santiago for about 24 years. While they were teammates for only a few years, Camacho said their friendship started initially in the core group of Hammond, Szymanski, Praught and Valenzuela. Eventually, Camacho was able to have a relationship with Santiago separate from that group.
“It was a special friendship,” Camacho said. “Luckily, we were able to build a strong relationship on our own over the years. We bonded over the loss of parents and different challenges that we each had.”
While he copes with the loss of his friend, Camacho will remember Santiago for who he was. “He was just such a good person, such a special guy.”
“You Got This, Kid!”
While many have spoken about Santiago’s positivity, one of the phrases he himself would often say was, “You got this, kid!”
Nobody seems to know where the phrase came from, not even longtime friend Valenzuela.
“He’d see you, shout out, ‘Hey, kid!’ and give you that big smile of his and a giant bear hug,” Valenzuela said.
“If you were coming up to the plate, or if he felt you needed a little encouragement, he’d shout out, ‘You got this, kid!’”
The phrase became Santiago’s trademark. Everyone was “kid,” regardless of their age or experience.
Moving Forward
With this latest AFCSL season wrapped up, Carlos left one more gift for his Loftball teammates and friends. He helped them earn yet another berth to the Gay Softball World Series, this one in Las Vegas in mid-October.
When the team goes, they will be missing their star first baseman, but his jersey will be there, either hanging up in the dugout or being worn by his friend Valenzuela.
The team will be honoring him in another way, too, one that will last for years. Santiago’s coach, Jeff Praught, explained.
“Because of the way he conducted himself on the field, The Loft team will be giving an award every year to the player who best exemplified the spirit that Carlos showed — The Carlos Santiago Sportsmanship Award,” Praught said.
The team voted on this year’s winner and fittingly, the recipient’s first year honoree is also its namesake.
“He was one of those people who was always so positive,” Praught said. “He just didn’t see the value of being negative.”
On June 2, AFCSL’s spring season came to a close. The league honored Santiago with a moment of silence before the Open Section of games, just before his teammates took the field at Mt. San Miguel in Chula Vista; a game in which Santiago was expected to play.
The Carlos Santiago Sportsmanship award was announced later that same day at the AFCSL’s closing party at Rich’s Nightclub in Hillcrest. Receiving the Sportsmanship award on Santiago’s behalf was his best friend and surrogate brother David “Mona” Valenzuela.
[Note: The Sportsmanship award will stay with the player who wins it for that year. With Carlos winning it in its inaugural year, the award will live with Valenzuela until it is awarded again in 2025.]
Almost 500 players and fans were on hand to share a moment of In Memoriam, where Praught handed the award to Valenzuela. Valenzuela was wearing Santiago’s jersey that day, which bears the #40 on the front and back. It’s been Santiago’s number for as long as anyone can remember.
Upon receiving the award, the teary-eyed Valenzuela quietly said “Thank you” to the crowd, then with two fingers, he tapped the #40 on the front of his jersey and looked to the sky as if saying, “farewell.” He then quietly walked off stage as the crowd cheered the moment and the man who the league has lost.
–Roman Jiminez has been involved with the AFCSL and its national affiliate, North American Gay Amatuer Athletic Alliance (NAGAAA), for 29 years. He is also the former editor of Update!, a San Diego-based LGBT newspaper in the 1990s.
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