• Home
  • Support Us
  • About us
    • Pick Us Up!
  • Advertising
  • Digital Archive
  • Contact
    • Letter to the Editor
Tuesday, October 3, 2023
  • Login
No Result
View All Result
lgbtq-san-diego-county-news-logo-475x166
DONATE
  • A&E
    • Art
    • Film
    • Music
    • Books
    • Theater
  • News & Features
    • News
      • Court News
      • News Briefs
    • Politics
      • Elected Official Reports
        • Chris Ward
        • Mara W. Elliot
        • Summer Stephan
        • Susan Davis
        • Toni G. Atkins
    • Features
  • Food & Drink
    • Foodie Flashes
  • Opinion
    • Editorials
  • Lifestyle
    • Health & Fitness
    • Travel
    • The Frivolist
  • Columns
    • Conversations with Nicole
    • Big Mike and Friends
    • Life Beyond Therapy
    • Trans Talk with Connor
    • Houston We Have a Problem
    • Benny’s Thoughts
  • Business
    • Best of Gay San Diego
    • Business Profile
    • Wedding Directory
    • Expert Advice
    • Sponsored Links
  • Out & About
  • Calendar
Subscribe
lgbtq-san-diego-county-news-logo
  • A&E
    • Art
    • Film
    • Music
    • Books
    • Theater
  • News & Features
    • News
      • Court News
      • News Briefs
    • Politics
      • Elected Official Reports
        • Chris Ward
        • Mara W. Elliot
        • Summer Stephan
        • Susan Davis
        • Toni G. Atkins
    • Features
  • Food & Drink
    • Foodie Flashes
  • Opinion
    • Editorials
  • Lifestyle
    • Health & Fitness
    • Travel
    • The Frivolist
  • Columns
    • Conversations with Nicole
    • Big Mike and Friends
    • Life Beyond Therapy
    • Trans Talk with Connor
    • Houston We Have a Problem
    • Benny’s Thoughts
  • Business
    • Best of Gay San Diego
    • Business Profile
    • Wedding Directory
    • Expert Advice
    • Sponsored Links
  • Out & About
  • Calendar
DONATE
No Result
View All Result
lgbtq-san-diego-county-news
DONATE
No Result
View All Result

Let’s Talk About Porn

By Michael Kimmel

03/16/2023
in Columns, Community Voices, Feature, Featured, Features, Life Beyond Therapy
0
Let’s Talk About Porn
0
SHARES
161
VIEWS

I had a client who was a porn producer. He didn’t particularly enjoy it (“You can’t believe how boring it is to make porn”) but he was really into the profitability. He came to me because he wondered why his romantic relationships with young porn stars didn’t work out (but that’s another story).

I’ve also had clients who acted in porn. To my knowledge, they’ve all moved to other careers. One of them told me “Being in porn messed up my sex life…it took the fun out of sex; it was my job. That made it really hard to go home and have sex with my boyfriend and enjoy it.”

Recently, at a conference for psychotherapists, I heard other therapists worry that:

  1. Some people think porn is an accurate representation of how real-life sex should be.
  2. Porn makes everyone feel bad about themselves because it creates completely unrealistic expectations.
  3. People just aren’t talking about porn. It’s a taboo subject.

Well, readers, not with me. 

For example, did you know that the popular site Pornhub publishes a yearly summary of their site:

Pornhub’s average visitor age remained 37 for 2022, with the 18 to 24 group growing by +2 percentage points, and the 35 to 44 age group dropping by –2% percentage points.

On PornhubGay pages, 2022 saw substantial changes in the most searched terms, as “hentai” overtook both “twink” and “straight”. “Threesome” increased +5 in rank, and “gangbang” searches increased by +67%. Trans searches for “FTM” grew by +202%. Searches for “homemade” porn grew by +33% and “cruising” by +127%. 

The two most viewed categories of gay porn continued to be Straight Guys and Black, but Group videos gained +3 to become the 3rd most popular category, ahead of Twink and Daddy. Solo Male videos shot up +12, while Bareback was down by –9 in popularity. Views of Reality videos increased +8 positions. 

For more info, go to: https://www.pornhub.com/insights/2022-year-in-review

As a psychotherapist, when things are secretive and shameful, they mess with our mental health. That’s why I encourage my clients to talk about sex…and porn is one aspect of sex that many people feel ashamed or embarrassed about. Let’s address that stigma, because whether you like it or not, porn is a powerful force in how we all think and feel about sex.

Let’s start by looking at how porn may be helpful/useful to us:

  • It can create sex positivity
  • It can normalize a healthy sex life.
  • It can expose us to new and different ways to express our sexuality.
  • Porn is a fantasy and – seen as such – can be both amusing and inspiring.
  • Talking about porn can lead to healthy, open discussions about sex and clarify what we’d like to experience with our partners.

What are some possible downsides to porn?

  • Watching it, it’s easy to feel inadequate: “This is how my sex life should be: what’s wrong with me?”
  • We usually see porn before we have sex, so it’s easy to forget what it is that you want and decide that what you see in porn is what you should want.
  • Porn is not sex education, but since sex education in this country is so primitive, porn often ends up, by default, fulfilling that role.
  • Since it’s rarely talked about, porn can be a shameful secret
  • As access to porn gets easier and easier, it’s only going to get bigger and more ubiquitous.

How is your “porn literacy”? Do you understand how porn is made, where it comes from and how it shapes our experiences of sex and sexuality? If not, what are you waiting for? Porn is all around us, “leaking” into our private desires. Last week, a handsome young client told me “I’m not skinny enough to be a good bottom”. When I asked him where he got that idea, he said, “I learned that from porn.”

See what I mean?

An open dialogue about porn won’t kill the fantasy. Instead, it gives us context. One porn actor told NPR: “What you don’t see is that we laid out all the positions, and anytime something didn’t look natural, we’d cut it out. So, it really is like a perfectly choreographed dance.”

Dear Readers, let’s talk openly and intelligently about porn, and, if you have kids, don’t wait until they’re eighteen before beginning the conversation.  Replace your shame and embarrassment with understanding and insight. As one porn actor said: “Porn is not a reflection of what you should be doing in your bedroom — it’s supposed to be entertainment.”

Exactly.

—Michael Kimmel is a licensed psychotherapist who specializes in helping LGBTQ clients achieve their goals and deal with anxiety, depression, grief, sexually addictive behavior, coming out, relationship challenges and homophobia. Contact him at 619-955-3311 or visit lifebeyondtherapy.com.

Next Post
County Supervisors Fletcher and Lawson-Remer Lead Charge for County to Denounce Antisemitism

County Supervisors Fletcher and Lawson-Remer Lead Charge for County to Denounce Antisemitism

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Pick Up Our Print Edition Near You!

Or Read Our Digital Version Below!

 

September 2023, Volume 4, Issue 23

Click or Tap Here To Read Our Past Issues!

Vol.4, Issue 21, August Monthly

Vol.4, Issue 19, July 2023 Monthly

SIGN UP FOR OUR NEWSLETTER

Follow Us On Instagram!

It's the right time to get involved! Whether you w It's the right time to get involved! Whether you want to volunteer - or run for office - YOU can do it! @BennyC80 shares encouragement for anyone who wants to make a difference.

READ THE FULL STORY VIA THE LINK IN OUR BIO OR AT: lgbtqsd.news/its-the-right-time-to-get-involved/
It's the right time to get involved! Whether you w It's the right time to get involved! Whether you want to volunteer - or run for office - YOU can do it! @BennyC80 shares encouragement for anyone who wants to make a difference.

READ THE FULL STORY VIA THE LINK IN OUR BIO OR AT: lgbtqsd.news/its-the-right-time-to-get-involved/
@thestudiodoor is launching a new annual exhibitio @thestudiodoor is launching a new annual exhibition called ART+ LGBT History Month, in conjunction with October’s LGBT History Month.

Held Oct. 5-28, the month-long exhibit will feature the work of local artists, including Jackie Han, Carole Kuck, RD Riccoboni, Joe Phillips, and a number of works curated from Lambda Archives’ extensive collection.

READ THE FULL ARTICLE VIA THE LINK IN OUR BIO OR AT: https://lgbtqsd.news/get-your-art-on-for-lgbt-history-month/
BREAKING NEWS: Southern California Shop Owner Murd BREAKING NEWS: Southern California Shop Owner Murdered Over Rainbow Flag Dispute.

Lauri Rosenthal Carleton, owner of fashion boutique Mag.Pi (@magpi_shop) in Cedar Glen, Calif., was murdered Friday night, according to the San Bernardino Sheriff’s Department. Those close to Carleton say the gunman shot her over a dispute about an LGBTQ pride flag hung outside her shop.

According to an initial report by the San Diego Bernardino Sheriff’s Department, Carleton was shot by the male suspect who arrived at her store and erratically removed the pride flag she had hung outside of her shop to express her support for the LGBTQ community. 

Carleton was said to have confronted the male after he removed the flag, who then shot her multiple times before fleeing. Carleton was pronounced dead from the gunshot injuries on the scene by emergency medical personnel.

READ THE FULL STORY VIA THE LINK IN OUR BIO OR AT: https://lgbtqsd.news/southern-california-shop-owner-murdered-over-rainbow-flag-dispute/
Due to police activity that began just after 7:15p Due to police activity that began just after 7:15pm Thurs, today’s print issue of LGBTQ San Diego County News will be delayed.  Several streets near our printer’s office remained closed as of 11:30am this morning. 

We will update you as we learn more. 

In the meantime visit lgbtqsd.news to read our digital @Issuu. We are working to get all stories posted online by day’s end. 

Our friends at @abc10news have the full story on the Carlsbad standoff at bit.ly/3YqkhBB or via the link in our bio. 

Photo by Maria Coronel- 10 News
🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ Happy Pride, San Di 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ Happy Pride, San Diego! We hope you’re having a wonderful, safe, joyful celebration this weekend! 

#Pride2023 #HillcrestSanDiego #SDPride #LGBTQ @hillcrestsandiego @SanDiegoPride
🏳️‍🌈 #SDPride weekend is now here! Benny 🏳️‍🌈 #SDPride weekend is now here! Benny Cartwright (@BennyC80) shares his thoughts on poor behavior by some non-LGBTQ guests in our local bars and venues.

Read the full column at the link in our bio.

@HillcrestSanDiego #SDPride2023 #Pride2023 #HillcrestSanDiego #safety #allies #LGBTQ #LGBTQPride
🏳️‍🌈🎨 The PROUD+ exhibition, produced 🏳️‍🌈🎨 The PROUD+ exhibition, produced by @TheStudioDoor, will feature the artwork of 50 contemporary artists from across the nation who identify as LGBTQIA+. 

Read all about it at the link in our bio.

#SDPride #Pride2023 #HillcrestSanDiego #art #LGBTQart
🏳️‍🌈 Looking for something to do the Mon 🏳️‍🌈 Looking for something to do the Monday after Pride? We've got a couple options listed in our 2023 #SDPride Guide!

On Monday, July 17, if you're feeling like giving back, you can join the Bankers Hill or Hillcrest Post-Pride Community Cleanups! If you're feeling more like letting loose (or after the cleanup), head to @gossipgrill_ for F*#k Pride Monday!

Get the details at the link in our bio.

#Pride2023 #LGBTQPride #SanDiego #BankersHill #HillcrestSanDiego #PrideMonday #RecoveryDay
Load More... Follow on Instagram

CalTrans Contracting Opportunities!

Promises2Kids Mentors Wanted

GLBTQ Voter Endorsements (paid ad)

lgbtq_san_diego_county_news

© 2019 LGBTQ San Diego County News. All rights reserved.

Navigate our site

  • About
  • Support Our Newspaper
  • Advertise
  • Contact

Follow Us

No Result
View All Result
  • A&E
    • Art
    • Books
    • Film
    • Music
    • Q Syndicate
  • News & Features
    • News
    • Features
    • Politics
      • Elected Official Reports
      • Susan Davis
  • Food & Drink
    • Hot Dish
    • Restaurant Reviews
  • Opinion
    • Editorials
  • Lifestyle
    • Health & Fitness
    • The Frivolist
  • Business
  • Columns
    • Conversations with Nicole
    • Big Mike and Friends
    • Black Lives
    • C…Community
    • Frankly Speaking
    • Houston We Have a Problem
    • Life Beyond Therapy
    • My Good Tootie
  • Out & About
  • Contact
  • Archive
  • About
  • Support Our Newspaper
  • Advertising
  • Calendar

© 2019 LGBTQ San Diego County News. All rights reserved.

Welcome Back!

Login to your account below

Forgotten Password?

Retrieve your password

Please enter your username or email address to reset your password.

Log In