Humble thanks to the women who helped me become the man I am today

The Shoulders I Stand Upon

By: Big Mike Phillips

Women are the most incredible form of life on the planet; they are the ones who bear the pain, suffering and joy of giving life to the world. They nurture us, love us, adore us, feed us, hug us, and most of all, they show us how strong they truly are just by carrying us in their bodies for nine months and delivering us into this world. Remember every birthday you have, call your Mom and say thank you, never forget she was there, as well.

I don’t know why, but I have always had an amazing relationship with the women in my life; many have been straight, and many have been lesbians, but each relationship I’ve had (and still have) with so many of these women have inspired me to become, I believe, a better human being just by having them in my life.

In this column I am going to mention and share the names of many of these women and offer a few words so you will know how and why I have been so blessed by each one of them.

As so many of you know, I came here by way of San Antonio, Texas, and there are so many women just from there, before my time here in San Diego, that impacted me, but I am only going to mention one; my friend, sister, teacher, and mentor, who taught me how to bartend in 1975, Priscilla Williams. Because of her, I learned a craft that would open so many doors in my life, especially here in San Diego. These skills provided me with a very good living and an opportunity I never ever imagined. We are still very good friends to this very day. Thank you, Priscilla.

I will have to use the next few upcoming columns to share with you more about these extraordinary women who not only helped shape my life but that of an entire community.

When I first moved to San Diego, I worked the day shift at the Brass Rail, and it was then I met Laurie Leonard, founder of Mama’s Kitchen. Laurie and Gary Cheatham, founder of Auntie Helen’s, were very close friends and would come in after work a few times a week to have a drink during happy hour.

She told me many stories about the things she had witnessed during those times, feeding so many of her neighbors, men dying of AIDS, her brother being one of them. Laurie established Mama’s Kitchen in 1990, and 34 years later, earlier this year, I was honored to accompany her to Alberto Cortez’s retirement party, to say “thank you” for his 25 years of service as its executive director.

“I never imagined at the time it would grow to serve so many people, all because I wanted to make sure my brother could eat a good hot meal,” she said to me. “Never in my life did I figure I would have so many other brothers to feed. But I am glad I was there.”

We are too. Thank you Laurie.

Around that same time, I became very friendly with a woman by the name of Barbara Cruzberg, whom I also met at the Brass Rail. I’ll never forget her raspy voice (she smoked a lot). She was a leader in our LGBT community and owned a printing shop in Hillcrest, right next door to San Diego Pride’s office at the time, in the small strip of businesses off Robinson Avenue, where the road forks to Park Boulevard, heading toward the zoo.

She was so much fun and played an instrumental part in the success of Ordinary Miracles by helping us (and so many other nonprofits) with free printing in those early days when we were raising money for AIDS. She was always there 100%. We could not have gotten the word out without her help. Thank you, Barbara.

I must giggle a little bit as I mention the one and only Gloria Johnson, a small lesbian woman with a huge, powerful personality in our community, especially within the Democratic Party. She was a no-nonsense woman who was serious and determined to accomplish everything she did. When I met Gloria, she just flat out did not like me at all. I never knew why, but I still admired her and how she got things done. I am very happy to say I did win her over during the 2008 election, when her shero Hillary Clinton was running for President of the United States.

The California Democratic Convention was in San Diego that year and I decided to go down to the Convention Center to see if I could capture some of the candidates who were running with my camera, and I was able to get photos of all of them.

One event that day was just for women to meet Hillary Clinton, but I was able to get in because I had my camera. When Hillary walked in the room, she took a few pictures with folks, but it was the photo of Gloria sitting right next to her I was able to capture that changed our friendship for the good. I took the photo, got Gloria’s address from a friend of hers, had it enlarged to a 5 x 7,  put the photo into a frame and mailed it to her home as a surprise. After that you would have believed we were the best of friends from the beginning. In fact, Gloria was being honored for Pride that year, which included a photo banner of her on one of the street poles. She called and asked if I would take her photo for that banner, which I was honored to do. It brought joy to my heart knowing I was able to share those moments for her until her death. Thank you, Gloria.

Jeri Dilno, another pioneering woman in our LGBT community, who was there in the beginning as part of the fabric of our community’s growth. She played a big part in the beginning of Pride and was the first woman to serve as executive director of the Gay & Lesbian Center, just to name a few. Alongside Gloria Johnson, she was also a huge advocate for shaping the local Democrat party in those early days, inspiring change that allowed LGBT members to run and serve in every position of elected offices to this very day. She also did not care for me at first, but over the last 15 years or more, we always made it a point to come and give each other our big hugs. We just lost Jeri this year, our community came out in large numbers to say goodbye and tell so many great stories of her life among us. Thank you, Jeri.

Mandy Schulz, to know her was to love her. She had a dynamic personality and was a force that our community was truly blessed with. I met Mandy when I was bartending at Bourbon Street in the 1990s. We hit it off from the very beginning. She was loud, funny, so much fun, and always working to bring our community together. Every week, like clockwork, we would have a meal together and she would always give me such great advice. She supported me at work and loved my Madri Sour drinks.

It was when Andrew Cunanan (who was from San Diego) was on his killing spree around the country that she was executive director of San Diego Pride. She became the spokesperson for our community on a national stage and made us all proud, especially her interview on CNN, when she told people that it was safe to come to San Diego to celebrate our Pride weekend. Sadly, Mandy went missing a few years later for about three weeks, and was later found dead in her vehicle in a deep ditch off the side of Highway 67 in Lakeside. She still brings a smile to my heart to this very day. Thank you, Mandy.

I invite you to follow my column in these next few issues to learn more about the many incredible women that I have known and still know that are still with us, that I share a friendship with who have helped shape our community.

These are the shoulders I stand upon.

–Big Mike Phillips is a local photographer, bartender, and longtime LGBT activist and fundraiser. You can reach him at [email protected]. 

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