By: Connor Maddocks
It’s that time of year again. The ghosts and goblins, witches and warlocks all come out to play. Have you chosen your Halloween costume yet? Are you going with a homemade or store-bought costume? Do you have party plans, or perhaps, Nightmare on Normal Street?
Nowadays, Halloween is bigger and better than ever, even in other countries. Here’s an interesting fact about Halloween: According to the Library of Congress website, Halloween has its roots in the Celtic celebration of Samhain, pronounced Sah-win. It was a time to celebrate the harvest. There were bonfires and people would dress up in costumes, supposedly to ward off ghosts and other evil spirits. The tradition was carried down through centuries morphing into our own American Halloween traditions.
Jack-o’-lanterns originated in Ireland, based on a story about a man named Jack and the devil. Originally, they were carved out of turnips. Scary costumes were worn so that people were not mistaken for evil spirits.
Pranking was another Celtic tradition called Devil’s Night. It is believed to have come from Samhain as well, but there is also history of similar Halloween activity in Scotland, and it seems to have been brought to America by the Irish and Scottish immigrants. Fun-spirited pranks were played on people two days before Halloween.
This is all the fun of Halloween. Due to our societal degradation, the Halloween of today is celebrated very differently in some places. When it comes to young children, trick-or-treating is a controlled community celebration to protect the kids. Many people still go out trick-or-treating and many neighborhoods here in San Diego and elsewhere go all out with amazing decorations. Take a drive some night and you’re likely to find some great Halloween neighborhoods in your area.
When I was a kid, good ol’ fashioned trick-or-treating really came into its own. The 1950s and ’60s were truly a fairytale time for kids. Most people went all out for every holiday and Halloween was no exception. And Halloween was my favorite holiday! Each year, my family went back and forth between homemade and store-bought costumes. I still remember the smell of our store-bought costumes and masks. I would breathe it in and it would evoke memories of the fun I had the year before. It was a holiday that my mother allowed us all to be anything we wanted. Dressing up as anything I wanted to was the thrill of it for me.
Around the time I was 5 years old, my gender identity was pretty well established in my brain. The only problem was, no one would allow me to live my life as me. I was born a boy with a female body. I didn’t quite understand, but I knew who I was supposed to be. On all the other holidays, we had to dress up in our finest outfits. Unfortunately for me, that meant my mother forced me to wear dresses and hats and stupid shiny shoes named after some girl named Mary. Oh, how I hated those days. I was so uncomfortable trying to be a girl, and I was never very good at it. I was told to sit a certain way, walk the right way, be gentle, and not to roughhouse. It was no fun at all!
But every year, for one night, I got to be whoever I wanted. The possibilities, of course, were endless: pirate, cowboy, Indian, soldier, sailor, baseball player, and even maybe a ghoulish monster. I usually chose a costume that was as male as possible. Sure, there were times that my mother, bless her heart, tried to talk me into a princess costume, or the ballerina one, or something similar. But I prevailed, refusing stubbornly to even entertain those ideas. I was Daniel Boone, or Babe Ruth!
You see, for one day a year, I could show the world that I was truly a boy. In my mind, I thought that surely they would recognize that and make plans to set things right. Sadly, of course, that never happened — one could only dream! Every Halloween, I was still thrilled to go around my neighborhood dressed as some male character. In that costume I felt comfortable, I felt safe, I felt strong and courageous. I felt like me.
It’s hard for cisgender people to understand exactly how we trans and non-binary folks really feel, but on Halloween at every door I knocked on, the treat giver would affirm me and make me feel so real when they said things like “Wow, what a great looking sailor,” or “You are an awesome cowboy,” or “I bet you are Daniel Boone!” These comments were so sincere and I beamed with excitement. The candy was pretty cool, too.
I would see my friends and other neighborhood kids and, on that night, they seemed to sense that my costume was right for me. Running through the streets, whooping, and yelling, hiding and scaring the girls. I let myself out to play and took in the sheer joy of it all. Halloween was my night.
When we were called in for the night, I would wear my costume until the very last minute before bedtime. As I sorted through my cache of goodies, trading with my sister for the good stuff, I would relive in my mind that night of being able to be me. I didn’t turn back into the kid pretending to be a girl until midnight. I wanted to soak up every minute of Halloween – knowing that the next day, it was back to dresses and those stupid shoes named after someone named Mary.
QT Tuesday
Don’t forget that every Tuesday night QT Tuesday is held at the Dojo Cafe in City Heights, located at 4350 El Cajon Boulevard. We always serve a free dinner and have some fun activities, like movie night, arts and crafts, speed friending and more. This month’s activities include preparing decorations to donate to the City Heights Día De Las Muertos festival, open mic and karaoke, and scary movie night with a screening of Fear Street Pt. III. Participants are also welcome to join their friends on the other side of the venue to relax and catch up.
Law Enforcement Meet and Greet
Last Friday, Oct. 6, we held a special meet and greet at the Dojo Café with our local LGBTQ liaison law enforcement officers. These officers are members of the LGBQ Community (no trans officers) who are here to assist community members with any issues, complaints, help reporting a crime, or just answer any questions you may have. The event was organized to give community members a safe place to meet the officers.
These folks are there for us and are helping to change the face of law enforcement for our community. Please reach out to me if you would like to get in touch with them or have questions about law enforcement-related issues.
If you have any questions or feedback, please contact me at [email protected].
–Connor Maddocks (he, him, his) is a Transgender activist, trainer, speaker, and advocate. You can reach him at [email protected].
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