Column: The Shoulders I Stand Upon
Big Mike Phillips
When I finally came to pitch my tent and call San Diego my home in 1989, I never imagined that I’d be given the opportunity to join so many concerned, loving and committed LGBTQ San Diegans working toward the good fight. Together we worked to improve people’s lives, from AIDS/HIV, getting medicine, hunger, housing, the elderly, youth, Trans people, and even protecting our history of those shoulders we all stand upon. We’ve also done our best to convince the rest of the world that we are human beings first and foremost.
I have been very proud to work and stand up for what is right, and to be compassionate with so many of you who have become my mentors, teachers, and just out-right, amazing friends. Over the past 34 years, many of these people have already left this world; and so many of you have made it a priority to ensure that their history is never forgotten, and that they will always be on the pages of our very own LGBTQ history books.
After my best friend Tino joined the many angels that we lost from AIDS/ HIV, I made a promise to find ways to get involved.
One of the first charities I was introduced to was the Imperial Court de San Diego, through the fundraisers they did at the Brass Rail. The Imperial Court system is one of the largest and oldest LGBTQ organizations in the world, with up to 70 chapters in Mexico, Canada, and the US, and it will turn 60 years old in 2024. It was Nicole Murray Ramirez who invited me to join the Imperial Court back in the very early 1990s, and I still belong to the Court to this very day.
To be honest with you, when I lived in San Antonio, we never had fundraising for anything regarding the LGBTQ community that I knew of, so I was never given the opportunity to join any kind of organization that would allow me to open my heart and mind to helping others like I was witnessing here in San Diego and it changed my life forever.
When I joined the Imperial Court, I learned about what this organization did and how they were very much in the forefront of raising so much money for the AIDS epidemic.
In those early days, it was our local drag performers who worked tirelessly, donating not only their time, but their money to make sure those suffering from that horrible death sentence would find comfort and help through the money being raised through their incredible talents and huge hearts. Thank God our community members would attend these shows and purposely bring plenty of money to tip the entertainers, and it continues to this day.
Many of those performers were members of the Imperial Court, along with others who were local headliners in their own right. Sadly, many of them were dying of AIDS themselves, but never stopped raising money; they just kept giving back to help others living with AIDS until they couldn’t any longer, and I will always consider them heroes.
Today’s generation, unless they have followed the tragedy and sacrifices that so many of these individuals endured, will never understand what they suffered as they died from AIDS.
I must say, working in all the wonderful bars in our LGBTQ community gave me a window to see through and a door to walk through to understand what I could and needed to do to get better involved.
The first real AIDS/HIV organization I was introduced to happened during the first week I had come to visit Tino. It was Being Alive. From their website: “Being Alive San Diego was founded in 1989 by HIV+ individuals who volunteered their time and talents to fill the need for support and empowerment in the HIV/AIDS affected community. Today, BASD is the largest, continually operating support service organization for people living with HIV/AIDS in San Diego County, improving the quality of life for more than 8,000 San Diegans affected by this disease. … Our clients are typically living in San Diego’s central region, 80% are living at or below the federal poverty level and 50% of our clients that receive peer counseling are 45 years or older.”
I would go along with Tino as he explained all the wonderful organizations that were helping him survive with food, toiletries, and rides to doctors’ appointments, just to name a few. I was so blown away with the amount of charity that was available to help so many. Remember there was no such help in San Antonio, so to see all this kindness and love gave me so much inspiration to do more to give back to the same organizations that gave Tino and so many others a way to leave this earth as loved human beings who were shown comfort, inclusion, and compassion.
There were other charity groups that I knew of back then, too, which included the San Diego LGBT Community Center (then known simply as “The Gay Center”), the Imperial Court, and food banks.
After Tino’s death, I learned about other all-volunteer organizations, like Mama’s Kitchen, which was established in 1990 by Laurie Leonard, after her brother died of AIDS in 1986. Laurie told me that it was her very good friend Michael Chadwick who had approached her to start cooking and delivering food to her friends that needed help to have a hot meal.
Laurie needed seed money, so she talked with Nicole Murray Ramirez who came up with an idea to create “The Kitchen Cabinet Committee” with community members like Nicole himself and the Imperial Court de San Diego, Gene Burkard, Ben Dillingham, Darrell Edwards, Chris Shaw, Frank Sabatino, to name a few, who all donated $1,000 or more to help start this generous cause. Mama’s Kitchen still feeds people with life threatening diseases to this day.
Special Delivery began in 1991 by Ruth Hendricks, owner of The Huddle restaurant in Mission Hills. Their website says: “It all started when Scott (a regular customer at the Huddle, who had AIDS) failed to show up for his lunch one day. [Ruth] took action to help Scott and so many others like Scott. Ruth teamed up with a group of friends who helped prepare meals in The Huddle’s kitchen. They called the home delivered meals ‘Special Delivery.’” They, too, continue to this day feeding people with HIV and cancer who can no longer do it themselves.
These two organizations would deliver meals to literally hundreds of AIDS patients back then, and it was not just about the food; many of these individuals were alone because family and friends would not have anything to do with them because they were scared they’d catch the disease. Sometimes the only people the patients would encounter in a day would be the volunteers delivering their food, who became instant friends. And sadly, sometimes it would be these same volunteers who would find their new friends dead when they arrived and then find themselves calling an ambulance to have them picked up from their homes. These were very depressing times in those early years as our brothers were dying every single day because of AIDS/HIV. It was a time of little information in the beginning, we all had no idea how it would interrupt our wellbeing or even if it would take our own lives.
We must not forget Auntie Helen’s, which fulfilled a different kind of need during those years, and was founded by Gary Cheatham, who named it after one of his aunts. It started in a one-car garage in July 1988, as a fluff-and-fold laundry project to help one person with AIDS. It then took off and became an all-volunteer fluff-and-fold organization to help those who could no longer wash and fold their own clothes. From Auntie Helen’s website: “… four very important people entered Gary’s life and put Auntie’s on very positive footing. Joan Kroc (her husband, Ray Kroc, helped start McDonald’s), San Diego Mayor Maureen O’Connor, the mayor’s twin sister Mavoureen, and the distinguished community activist Ben Dillingham. These people helped open and financially support the store in North Park. Auntie Helen’s was the first program of its kind, and is still the only one of its kind currently operating in the U.S. Auntie Helen’s was named as a National Point of Light by The White House in 1991. Auntie Helen’s has also received an Apostolic Blessing from His Holiness Pope John Paul II and has been awarded many state and local honors.”
It saddens me that so many younger people do not know or care to know about those times in our LGBTQ history. It was exhausting, watching the people we love die, trying to help and take care of those hanging on to survive as long as they could. Being discriminated against and shunned by friends, family, and even their own community, especially in the beginning. Having to rely on our own community to raise money for research, medicine, and anything that was related to AIDS. In many ways, the only good thing that came out of these horrible times was that we came together as a family more than ever before, helping one other in so many ways.
I learned, met, laughed and cried with so many people, many who were taken by the HIV virus that caused AIDS, but I also built lifelong friendships with those we shared by experiencing compassion together. Many tears flowed down hundreds of thousands of faces, including my own, as we shared those times dealing with people we loved who were dying every single day. Never will I ever forget those times in my life, and never will I ever stop sharing those times that affected so many people all over the world.
Honestly, it was also single handedly the most rewarding experience in my entire life. Knowing you made another human being feel wanted, loved, and accepted is truly the best gift one could ever receive. I encourage everyone to at least try it once in their life. It is never too late to get involved by helping others, especially those in your own community. Knowing you made someone else’s life better makes you a better person, as well.
Take the time to find a charity that means enough to make you feel good about giving back; believe me it is the best gift one can give themselves, but most of all change the life of someone who is scared, lonely and feels lost. A huge thank you to all those who have made a difference by giving of themselves before me, those that are now involved and those who will be in the future. You will help change the world around you.
These are the shoulders I stand upon.
–Big Mike Phillips is a local photographer, bartender, and longtime LGBT activist and fundraiser. You can reach him at [email protected].
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