Big Mike and Friends
Big Mike Phillips
I really do enjoy this opportunity to introduce so many people who live in San Diego that have become my friends. I love the fact that I have this platform to share with those of you who stop and read my column (thank you, by the way) how wonderful these individuals are that I call my friends.
It was 1996 and I was 37 years old, working at Rich’s as a bartender. Now try and picture this: There was no internet like it is today. We, as a community, would go out to the bars to socialize and to meet others in a safe LGBTQ environment. It was then that I met this beautiful underage boy (I didn’t know he was underage at the time, 19 to be exact) named Tali Lopez, who I found out later was sneaking into the club so he could dance. During that time, located next door to Rich’s, was a coffee house called Euphorbium that all the underage kids would go to, mostly gay kids that wanted to be around other gay people. It wasn’t till recently that Tali told me how he would get in undiscovered. See, in those days we didn’t have security like we do now. The front door person was the one who would check IDs and took the door cover for the evening. You can only imagine how many times mistakes were made. Oops? Tali was very clever; at that time, there was no smoking patio connected to the side door in the parking lot and Tali would get someone he knew to open that side door so he could slide in with the crowd. Those were the days when you got away with being cute and innocent, that’s for sure.
Interesting fact about Tali’s name — his full name is Neftali Lopez. Neftali comes from the Bible, the origin of his name is Hebrew, which means, “one who helps in the struggle.” A full-blooded Puerto Rican born in the Bronx, New York, Tali moved to San Diego when he was only 4 years old in 1979. His parents had divorced by the time he was 2 years old, and his mother stayed in New York while his dad moved to San Diego to go to work with the company his grandfather worked for. Growing up with his dad’s side of the family, he was showered with love, especially by his grandparents who doted over his older sister Tamara and himself as little kids. Tali went to Rancho Bernardo High School and at 16, he “came out” as gay. Even though his grandparents were Jehovah’s Witnesses, they loved him unconditionally and never once did they shun Tali or make him feel like they didn’t love their grandson for exactly who he was. Tali was very fortunate to have that kind of family love and support especially when so many kids were not being accepted and instead, were thrown out of their homes for telling families they were gay.
Over the years, while growing up and finding out who he was as an individual, Tali discovered the joy of becoming an artist. But finding that love came with a price in his life. No stranger to adversity, Tali had his fair share of demons. As do many young, gay men, he struggled with substance abuse for many years. Because of his abuse, he ended up in federal prison for five years, from 2006 to 2011. He can honestly say that even though it was a very dark time in his life, it saved his life. While in prison, his cell mate, another gay man, was also an artist, a painter. Tali had never picked up a paint brush before in his life. So, with plenty of time on his hands, he startled doodling and playing around with his cell mate’s paints. He took to it like a fish in water. Alberto, Tali’s cell mate, was a realist painter, painting landscapes and portraits. But he quickly learned that this was not his style, what he really loved was abstract, expressionist and street art works such as those created by Basquiat. There are times when certain doors open, even the ones we do not want to open to learn and find our true self. After five years of serving his sentence in prison, he realized that he hadn’t been living the life he wanted to live, that’s where he learned to paint and has become his life’s passion today.
It’s 2011, Tali had come back to San Diego to start a new life and needed a job, I was working at Jimmy Carter’s Mexican Café at the time and trying to open Harvey Milk’s Diner during that time as well. I suggested he come in for an interview. In fact, shortly after that, he did come in for an interview and my business partners agreed with me that he would be a great fit for our restaurant. Now imagine this good looking, tall Puerto Rican with tattoos and his tight pants becoming a quick favorite to so many of our customers. Tali was eager to get back on his feet and start a new life for himself; he worked hard by picking up extra shifts, never going home early and encouraging others to come in to eat when he was working. By doing all of this, he was able to build up a huge clientele. He is the biggest sweetheart and once you meet and get to know him, you just can’t help but fall in love.
Over the years, Tali has dedicated his time by becoming involved with different organizations to give back. One such group was GMSR, Gay Men’s Spiritual Retreat, where he sat on the board, and also committed to Stepping Stone of San Diego by donating his time. He has also used what he loves to do most by sharing and donating paintings to fundraisers benefitting Being Alive and other organizations that help raise money for different charities. It was those years when he got home, that he continued to go to his meetings and get help through Stepping Stone that he met the love of his life Kyle Clifford, even going as far as to get him hired as a cook at Harvey Milk’s Diner. They have been together now over six years and married one year as of Oct. 13, 2019. Tali has never really had a real relationship with anyone before meeting Kyle. Not to say they don’t have their struggles like any other couples, but they make their marriage work. Just recently, Kyle joined the planning committee of The Recovery Ride, a charity bike ride that raises money for local San Diego nonprofit organizations in the areas of recovery from alcohol and drugs, and HIV/AIDS education and treatment. I, along with Tali, am so proud of him; he is so thrilled to be giving back to the community that has given so much to both of them. This is Kyle’s very first fundraiser — if you would like to help support him and The Recovery Ride, please go to: Join.therecoveryride.org/KyleLopez. I know he would truly appreciate your generosity. They both are happy living together in Mission Hills with their two beautiful dogs Alexander and Hamilton.
Nowadays, you can find Tali waiting tables at Jimmy Carter’s Mexican Cafe. He has been a server there since 2014. He can honestly say that’s he loves his job and the people he works with. Tali brags about having the best boss anyone can ask for. Jimmy Carter is one the most generous, caring and compassionate people he has ever met, let alone worked for. It’s hard to compete with that, I also worked for Jimmy Carter and I would have to agree 100% with Tali. Just to give one example, Jimmy Carter closed his restaurant on a Saturday night, one of the busiest and most profitable nights, just so all of his coworkers could attend their wedding. Tali did not ask Jimmy to do this, he did it out of the kindness of his heart and to show his support for Tali and the LGBTQ community. That speaks volumes about the kind of person that Tali works for.
There is so much I love about Tali, one is our friendship, he is like my younger brother, he is part of my family. Watching him grow into a loving and caring young man touches my heart. I admired how he gives back to this community by volunteering his time and donating his art to help raise needed money. Tali loves to surround himself with positive people that don’t take themselves too seriously. He loves to make those people he surrounds himself with laugh, he’s a goofball and isn’t afraid to laugh at himself. He always keeps the joy alive while you’re with him.
I asked Tali to give me a quote to leave with those who read this column about him.
In his own words, “Getting sober is the best thing that I have ever done to take care of myself. And even though life has shown me things that I never wanted to see, it made me the person that I am today, and I wouldn’t change one single thing. Life has knocked me down a few times, it has shown me things I never wanted to see. But one thing is for sure … I always get back up.”
And getting back up is exactly what has happened as he inspires young artists, his friends and his community that we are all are art, a creation of beauty. Like I always say, “Good art doesn’t match your coach.” Be your original self. Thanks, Tali, we all look forward to seeing what beauty your brushes will create in the future.
To contact Tali for his artwork or even commission him, [email protected]
Website: Talilopez.com
