I find myself in an odd situation and this article is more personal than the last few… I hate the fact that so many in our community are more looks-based than who-a-person-is based, yet here I am working on becoming the best-looking example of me I can create for my upcoming bodybuilding show – and I want to win. An interesting dichotomy to say the least.
A little context so this makes sense: Throughout my life I have never been the “pretty one”, or the most athletic, or the cutest, etc. A lot of us are probably in the same boat. That’s okay – it’s a great boat to be in because it’s where people work hard together and on their own to create greatness.
I work out with several guys and every one of them is “god-like”. There’s, John, my trainer, Keir who was blessed with all the right parts (he works hard on those parts), and Ed who always knows the way to optimize exercise. I am not that, nor will I be – at least I don’t think.
So, what is this all about then? Can we be in to hunky, good-looking guys and it be okay? Call it the lust factor, but do we have to get along with everyone? Yes, just about everyone is truly beautiful inside and out, even if they do not come up to the hot AF standard our community sets.
I think it all comes down to who you are as the person you are. The same goes for me and all of us. Yes, it’s okay to lust after the “hot one”. We probably would be lying to ourselves if we didn’t. That said, we also must know that people are amazingly hot and sexy for a lot of reasons, not just some artificial standard and that leaves me with my conundrum. I am working hard at becoming the best, hottest version of myself for what is essentially a beauty contest for guys. Big muscles, the best poses, smiles, and personality. But it is more than that for me.
Here’s total honesty. Yes, I want to be the “pretty one” and yes, I want people to look at me and go, gawd, I like that. I want that to happen. That’s about as honest as I know how to be. More than that, though, is how I feel about me on the inside. I have been on this journey for a year, and I have a way to go on the body, but my mind, spirit, and some would say, soul have been healed and I am fully aware of who I am and what I can do. That is no small task.
I found that in working out, and now bodybuilding, I get quiet “me-time” to work on my thoughts and body at the same time. I am forever changed by this process physically and mentally. I am down 4 pant sizes; shirts are now tucked in, and my body is showing a lot or progress, but the inside me has grown bigger than I was, and I know I am beautiful and proud of who I am, no matter what anyone else says. That is power that I now own and can never be taken away. I am not the same person in all the ways that matter.
Bodybuilding has allowed me to own who I am, maybe for the first time in my life. Find something that can do that for you; it doesn’t have to be physical but find something you love to do and do it. Make it all about you and make sure you have a team to help you along the way. It is not narcissistic to provide yourself with self-care. It’s okay to be the center of your own universe. If you are not the center of your universe and don’t take care of you, then how can you share who you are and help others?
So, what’s the takeaway from all this? Short version – be happy with who you are. If you are not happy then look in the mirror and ask yourself, “What do I need to be happy – truly happy?”, and then do that. Most likely it will not be easy, and it’s not supposed to be, but it is essential.
Right now, the world seems to be burning down around us and we are fighting each other more than we are loving each other, and we can each be a moment of change first inside us, and then for others, too. Love yourself first. If you don’t love yourself, find the one thing that makes you joyful, no matter what it is, and then start. I was a disaster physically when I began and now, I am not. You do have to show up though as none of this is magic, it’s a mindset.
So, long live the physical hunks, but long live all the hunks that love, help, and share who they are so we can all be better people… together.