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7 Steps for More Happiness and Less Conflict in Your Life

By Michael Kimmel

11/30/2021
in Columns, Community Voices, Feature, Featured, Features, Life Beyond Therapy
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7 Steps for More Happiness and Less Conflict in Your Life
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“When you’re happy, you don’t need conflict”

Wouldn’t you like to get the gift of happiness this Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza? Wouldn’t that be better than something you can buy in a store? If this sounds good to you, read on…

At the risk of being obvious: the happier you are, the less conflict you’re likely to create in all of your relationships. When you’re happy, you don’t need conflict. Conflict is an often-unconscious way of expressing unhappiness in relationships with friends, lovers, relatives and colleagues. So, here’s my holiday gift to you: seven ideas (or “steps”) to bring more happiness and less conflict into your life:

Step 1: Let go of your stories. What we tell ourselves is self-fulfilling. If we keep telling ourselves the same stories over-and-over, we are doomed to repeat the same results. If you’re willing to release those old stories about yourself and the people in your life who’ve “done me wrong”, you’re opening the door to a lot more happiness.

Step 2: Forgive people: I’ve held a lot of grudges in my life and none of them did me any good. While I was angry at people who I thought treated me badly and should be “punished”, they were off having fun without me. Who suffered? Here’s some good news: you don’t have to know how to forgive, just be willing. Even if you are so mad at the offender that you’re spitting bullets, if you’re willing to forgive them, it’ll start the ball rolling.

Step 3: Embrace peace/release drama. For some people, drama gives them the illusion of feeling “alive”. These people are confused (or very, very young). Drama is not aliveness, it’s a substitute for aliveness. Aliveness is a life full of opportunity and possibilities. Drama sucks the energy out of you and is often a diversion from looking at deep (old) pain in your life. Face your pain, clean it up and reduce your drama.

Step 4: Learn more sophisticated ways of functioning. Are you and your friend/boss/mate playing out the same old routines over-and-over? Is it working? I didn’t think so. As we age, the Universe/God keeps showing us what we need to let go of in order to embrace something better. It’s like the Buddhist idea of the empty rice bowl: if you’re holding on to stale old rice in your bowl, there’s no room for fresh, new delicious rice. You’ve got to dump that stale, moldy old rice so there’s room for something new and wonderful. Scary? Sure. Productive? Absolutely.

Step 5: Polish your rough edges: We all have areas where we’re not so smooth or high functioning; start to notice them. If you really want to discover your “rough” spots, ask your closest friends: they probably see them much more clearly than you do. And don’t beat yourself up for not being perfect, instead, just notice your flaws and be willing to change. Start with compassion – not punishment – for yourself.

Step 6: Empty yourself. Often our mind feels so full of thoughts that are hard to let go. These thoughts can keep us from falling asleep or enjoying time with people we love. Emptying yourself lets you dump all that mental junk. Try quietly and peacefully telling yourself, “I am empty” and see where it takes you.

Step 7: “I don’t need to know”. I tell myself this a lot! Many of us think that more information will bring us happiness. In fact, you will be happier if you can let go of having to “know” and “be right”. Wanting to be right is the cause of many – if not most – emotional conflicts. Information is useful, but only if you use it in a way that works for you and the people in your life. Too much information can actually be unhelpful. Try saying “I don’t need to know” and feel how freeing it is. Encourage your friends to try it too. You may all be surprised to find out that it’s true.

May these seven “gifts” bring you more happiness and less conflict in your life. Now, and always…

 

—Michael Kimmel is a licensed psychotherapist who specializes in helping LGBT clients achieve their goals and deal with anxiety, depression, grief, sexually addictive behavior, coming out, relationship challenges and homophobia. Contact him at 619-955-3311 or visit lifebeyondtherapy.com.

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@thestudiodoor is launching a new annual exhibitio @thestudiodoor is launching a new annual exhibition called ART+ LGBT History Month, in conjunction with October’s LGBT History Month.

Held Oct. 5-28, the month-long exhibit will feature the work of local artists, including Jackie Han, Carole Kuck, RD Riccoboni, Joe Phillips, and a number of works curated from Lambda Archives’ extensive collection.

READ THE FULL ARTICLE VIA THE LINK IN OUR BIO OR AT: https://lgbtqsd.news/get-your-art-on-for-lgbt-history-month/
BREAKING NEWS: Southern California Shop Owner Murd BREAKING NEWS: Southern California Shop Owner Murdered Over Rainbow Flag Dispute.

Lauri Rosenthal Carleton, owner of fashion boutique Mag.Pi (@magpi_shop) in Cedar Glen, Calif., was murdered Friday night, according to the San Bernardino Sheriff’s Department. Those close to Carleton say the gunman shot her over a dispute about an LGBTQ pride flag hung outside her shop.

According to an initial report by the San Diego Bernardino Sheriff’s Department, Carleton was shot by the male suspect who arrived at her store and erratically removed the pride flag she had hung outside of her shop to express her support for the LGBTQ community. 

Carleton was said to have confronted the male after he removed the flag, who then shot her multiple times before fleeing. Carleton was pronounced dead from the gunshot injuries on the scene by emergency medical personnel.

READ THE FULL STORY VIA THE LINK IN OUR BIO OR AT: https://lgbtqsd.news/southern-california-shop-owner-murdered-over-rainbow-flag-dispute/
Due to police activity that began just after 7:15p Due to police activity that began just after 7:15pm Thurs, today’s print issue of LGBTQ San Diego County News will be delayed.  Several streets near our printer’s office remained closed as of 11:30am this morning. 

We will update you as we learn more. 

In the meantime visit lgbtqsd.news to read our digital @Issuu. We are working to get all stories posted online by day’s end. 

Our friends at @abc10news have the full story on the Carlsbad standoff at bit.ly/3YqkhBB or via the link in our bio. 

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🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ Happy Pride, San Di 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ Happy Pride, San Diego! We hope you’re having a wonderful, safe, joyful celebration this weekend! 

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🏳️‍🌈 #SDPride weekend is now here! Benny 🏳️‍🌈 #SDPride weekend is now here! Benny Cartwright (@BennyC80) shares his thoughts on poor behavior by some non-LGBTQ guests in our local bars and venues.

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🏳️‍🌈🎨 The PROUD+ exhibition, produced 🏳️‍🌈🎨 The PROUD+ exhibition, produced by @TheStudioDoor, will feature the artwork of 50 contemporary artists from across the nation who identify as LGBTQIA+. 

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🏳️‍🌈 Looking for something to do the Mon 🏳️‍🌈 Looking for something to do the Monday after Pride? We've got a couple options listed in our 2023 #SDPride Guide!

On Monday, July 17, if you're feeling like giving back, you can join the Bankers Hill or Hillcrest Post-Pride Community Cleanups! If you're feeling more like letting loose (or after the cleanup), head to @gossipgrill_ for F*#k Pride Monday!

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